Halfway through my experiment with the happiness-zapping device, I noticed something odd. Every time the device kicked in to elevate my mood, I developed an uncontrollable urge to quack like a duck. Yes, you read that right. Quack. Like a literal duck.

At first, I thought it was a fluke. Maybe I had just watched too many funny animal videos the night before. But then, it happened again. Stuck in traffic and feeling the bliss wash over me, I opened my mouth to sigh contentedly and... "Quack." Loud and clear. The looks I got from the pedestrians were priceless.

The situation reached its peak of absurdity during a very important, very serious meeting at work. As the device zapped me into a state of euphoria over our quarterly sales projections, the urge hit me. I tried to fight it, I really did. But the next thing I knew, the boardroom echoed with the most earnest duck quack you've ever heard. Trying to explain that one away was... well, let's just say my career as a stand-up comedian is looking more promising by the minute.

It turns out, the microelectrode array had a slight calibration issue. This intersected the neural pathways responsible for mood enhancement. Bizarrely, it also intersected the neural pathways responsible for vocal mimicry of waterfowl. Who knew the brain's wiring for happiness was so close to its inner duck?

So, what did I learn from my week of mood-boosting mayhem? While it's great to look on the bright side of life, maybe we're not quite ready to have our brains make that decision for us. Especially if it turns us into a flock of bipedal ducks. Quack on, my friends. Quack on.